A parents worst fears

I walked the girls into school this morning because I needed to let my first grader's teacher know that the dr's office was faxing in her sick note. As I was leaving my fourth grader found me in the hallway to let me know her class party was today. She started complaining about her stomach hurting. She is the type of child who always keeps things in and it usually surfaces in upset stomachs. She was scared to be at school. She was home from school all last week with the flu and was sitting in my room watching tv as the news broke Friday. She kept going back and watching the news despite my efforts to shield her from it. She has experienced loss through losing her 19 year old aunt, 2 great grandmothers she was very close to, and her young friend since she was about 2 who was killed last spring. She knows all to well the finality of death. She has learned about the evil that is in this world by recently learning about the details of her aunt's death, how she was found hanging on an elementary school playground. My parents have been foster parents since before she was born and she has had first hand encounters with numerous children who have been placed in foster care due to neglect and abuse. Now, her little 9 year old mind is trying to fathom how and why someone would break into a school and hurt little children. She looked at her first grade sister and realized her sister could have been one of the dead children (she was a lot nicer to her all weekend). Today she is scared to be at school. It broke my heart as a stood in the hallway talking to her and realized that my child is scared to go about her daily routines. It angered me a little that my child has to even face concerns like this and she is still a child. As I walked back to the van I thought about the fear all of those children in Connecticut are feeling today as some of them try to regain their lives by creating a new "normal". The lives of those children and their families will never return to the normal they knew before 9:30 Friday morning. It is scary as a parent when you realize that you are helpless and have no control over a situation concerning your child. The first instinct of many parents after Friday is to snatch their child out of public school. That isn't the answer. Will we also forbid them from going to a movie, the mall, or what about riding in a car? We can take every precaution possible but sadly sometimes that isn't enough. Tragedy can strike anywhere; in school, a store, at a stop sign, even in our own homes. At the end of the day we have no control. As a parent that is the hardest thing to accept. Instead of teaching our children to live in constant fear, we must teach them to be cautious, but to live life. We must teach them that sadly evil does exist in our world and sometimes horrible things happen to great people. Teach them that people make really bad choices that others have to pay the consequences for. We must teach them that we do not have all of the answers. Teach them that it is ok to be scared, but that we control our lives not fear. Sometimes we must teach them how to create a new "normal" life. We must teach them that we should never waste an opportunity to experience love, and to be kind to others. We must teach them to live a life that has no regrets whether they live a life of many years or just a few short ones. We must let them know that every minute of every day they are loved and we are blessed that they are a part of our lives.

the magical moment you go from being a person with a child to a parent.

There is a moment in life where you go from being a person with or having a child to being a parent. In this moment you realize that this little person isn't just a person, but he or she is a part of you. They own a piece of your heart that you will never be able to reclaim as your own. Their hurts become your heartbreaks. Their joys become your shining moments. You make sacrifices for them and don't even think about it. You gladly trade in your purse or shoe obsession to get them the things they need and/or want. You don't even mind too much that your purse no longer matches your shoes and you barely paint your nails anymore because you don't have time to sit while they dry. You become fluent in the preschool shows, the tween stuff and the teen stuff. Sometimes you juggle all three at once if you have more than one child. You realize that there are a lot of "adult" shows you can't talk about because you traded your adult show time to watch stuff with your kids. You know that the most valuable gifts in your home have no monetary value, they are the precious ones your children so proudly made you or picked out. No matter how gaudy it may look, you wear it proudly like a king or queens crowned jewels.
      There are times that your heart breaks into a million pieces because you see your child going through something and you know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix it for them. You feel helpless and desperate to be able to help them.
      Sometimes there is a defining moment when you can point and say that was the point I became a parent. Other times you just realize one day that somewhere along the way you became a parent. Either way when you realize that you have stepped into that role, you know without a shadow of a doubt that it is a role that you wouldn't trade for anything in this world.